ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
