I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
