there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
