u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
