But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
pray to the hookup gods
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
