Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
