do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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