so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
