lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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