Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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