hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
