i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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