I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
