Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
