no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just gargled with NyQuil
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
