Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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