so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
