i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
