im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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