Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
