I'm going to jail i love you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
