so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
