Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
