The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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