Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
