There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
