SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
