I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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