Apparently you make a good broom.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
