Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
