And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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