how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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