is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
