its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
