Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
