the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
