I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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