dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
