I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
