it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
