Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so let's talk penis.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
