"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
