That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
