I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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