drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
