i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
