idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I want is dick and wine.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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