I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
