remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sobbing to NWA
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
