dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
