highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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